Talking to Shadows #2

You just asked a girl out cos you wanted her to say no.

Yes, that is pathetic. Yes, you are going to have to go through a great deal of pain now for what you just did, cos you just couldn’t let what the women in your family get to you.

Of course, she didn’t give you a flat out no. Now you have to deal with the fact that you didn’t get a flat out no, that you didn’t get a free pass from jumping into the unknown. All this talk of being the fool, being the thing of fire and passion that always took the leap of faith and it took your sister and mother to make you see just how much of a coward you turned into, just how much you changed and let your pain and your desire to be something that you are not get in the way of who you always were.

You are fire and you are bright. You never used to ask so many questions. Fire doesn’t ask questions, it simply burns. You used to burn. Now that you are on fire again, you curse yourself.

You are cursed now, cursed to find out who you were before you let your fear douse you. Yes, fear is comforting, fear is a delightful blanket against the dark when the shadows seem to take a life of their own.

You just lost your blanket. You just lost your excuse.

What now?

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